I'm Sorry, My Dear... (Lyrics) The best song in the world is based on lies and insecurities, fear and uncertainties. Don't be afraid to lose yourself in the cords and melodies Don't fret over the words that are spoken, the love and the thrills that seem to be broken. Don't worry, my dear, the days aren't in fear, but only the past, can ever last in a world based on the future. The times are changing, and my family is breaking, the nights are so cold, it seems that I'm always alone. This song that I'm writing, shouldn't seem so frightening, but I'm sorry, to say. This is the day. Reality has settled, I thought it would be better, But, I'm sorry my dear, the days are lived in fear, of the past, and the sins that always seem to last. I'm sorry my dear, I'm living my days in fear. Forgetting Friends (Poem) Tomorrow it the end for us. You have her. I'm so envious. I start over, another chance. But you. You'll forget just what we had. I know you'll miss me or at least I hope. But it's tomorrow. You'll never show. The days are short, the times have changed. Maybe I was just your bait. You forgot, you think I'm gone. not all the way, so I'll write this song. Tomorrow is the end. Not another day, I just had to say. Be her friend, leave me behind. They always do, it's like a rhyme. People will never miss, the only girl, they didn't want to kiss. I thought you were different. My best friend. I thought it was 4th grade to the end. But now I know, it was only a show. Goodbye my friend, I'm sorry you couldn't remember who I am. Changes For The Better (Poem) I never thought I'd be the same. After that one dreadful day. I always dreamed. Thats all I had, I know my life was not that bad. It was different, only so, I never got the chance to know, what it's like beyond your eyes, he tried to see behind my mind. My life was changing, I was scared. None of them, even cared. I know it was, or could've been, I would've let go, just gave in. She pulled me back, brought me in. Scared me right out of my own skin. She knew I hurt. I know she did. Thats why they say she's only a kid. Yet I couldn't see, or even feel, the differences, behind the vail. Life had changed, I should have known, boy, how I have grown. Getting in trouble for the smallest things, I know it's for the best of me. I don't want pidy can't you see, I just want them to let me be me. I'm starting over, another chance, I'm so happy, I could dance. My life was scary, but I should've known, should've learned to let go. I cared too much for someone else. Maybe now I won't go to hell. I gave up all I have worked, just to see her wear that smirk. We don't talk, she doesn't care. Wonder why I even share. My life is different. In a good way. My family doesn't always obey. We all are different. Not the same. I wouldn't have it any other way. With out them my life would be oh so plain. My life is better, I hope it will stay. I want to wear this smile everyday. Sure, I'm scared. I don't know, how my life is gonna go. I can only hope that one day, I will know enough to say, yeah my life, went the right way. I Wish (Poem) The pain i feel when i wake in the morning and realize i have to go to go school, makes me wish i will never wake up. The hurt i feel when they look at me, makes me wish I was invisable. The agony i feel pulsing through my veins when they whisper behind my back, makes me wish i was never here. The joy i feel when its finally saturday, makes me wish tomarrow will never come. The feelings i get when i go to school makes me wish i was never born. The memories i have, make me wish, i was a child again, and everything was alright. Nothing was ever perfect, it was far from it. But it all could get worse and the was the good thing, knowing it could get worse but it wasn't going to. Now knowing that it did get worse feels like I'm sleeping on a million needles, and this is all a nightmare. I wish I could just wake up, go back to reality. But then i know that reality has come, and nothing is getting better. If only i could go back in time, and change something that will trigger the events to come even if it meant endangering my own life. I would do it. Just so I could live one day in happiness and joy. I wish I would have had a choice.  Lost (Poem) I'm lost. Searching, scanning, finding ways, jump up, lost in this maze. People everywhere, yet I am alone, lost, missing my home. My friends all have left, said good bye to this park, a park full on pain, no memories to gain. I can't remember the last it was real, maybe when my friends and I made a deal. They would come find me, for only a day, then put me back in this life I call a maze. I sit here and cry, I can't stop wondering why, my mother can't find. The scared little child. Hiding deep inside. She comes out at night, only to whine, to feel, what I wish was my very last cry. Tears all built up, I can't let them out, they all think, that I'm doing so well, mom and I fight, but what child doesn't? She doesn't know it's just repercussion. The tears are worn, they just come out at habit, I let go, and let the pain have it. Love Stories For a really long time now I have been obsessed with love stories, I think its because of how they always turn out, the princess and the prince. I have never really been one for the old cinderella, just the modern ones. Though I love Romeo and Juliet. To me Twilight, is a Romeo and Juliet story, with a twist. (A forbiden love, trapped by what he is, and what she is not, Serrenderd by the way they love each other). It fits. If you think about it, all the characters are there. A friend helped me realize that fairy tales dont exist, that there are no happy endings. For too long I have hoped, and wished that one would come, but they never do... So I grew up, but I'm never giving up, I will make my own fairy tale. Sure, there will be no fairy god mothers or singing mice, and well, we all know I'm not a princess, but in my own way, I will have a fairy tale, there will be no evil step sisters or even a father over-run, only me, my prince and our families. When I realized that cinderella fairy tales cant come true, I figured out that we dont need them, and if every girl had a happily ever after, it would be like writing "The End" on the last page of life. Where would your story go then? Who would continue? Who would keep writing? So we all must write our own fairy tale, shape and mold it untell its where you want it to be. My story goes on untell that day when I get my "Happily Ever After". Then all you will see is me and my prince and two little words... "The End" learning to float in the sea of misery, wrapped, tied up with ribbons and bows. I'm conquering the world, you must know. Laughing through the hurricane, everything just seems the same. Stand up and fight, but only for tonight. It's a war, but, babe, you'll be sore. I'm sorry. I don't know the ending, barely know the start. All I know that these words are burning my heart. I'll never sit down, won't be stuck in this town. Just let me go, I'm sorry. But that's all I know. There a reason that is racing, right past my mind. There a feeling that scattered, through out my life. I can't tell you why, because that's all you must know. Let go, hun, let your weakness show. The best song in the world is based on lies and insecurities, fear and uncertainties. Don't be afraid to lose yourself in the cords and melodies | Perfect (Poem) I only dream about being someone that I can look up to. I only worry about growing up to be someone I'm not. There is fine between pretending and perfection. I have heard many times, many people, tell me that perfection doesn't exist. But with out the absence of screw ups there would be no perfect by it's self. One can not exist with out the other, but if perfect is only a word, then what is the opposite? I wasn't born to be perfect. I was born to change the world. To erase all ignorance and replace it with illiteracy. I am worth a thousand and seven rain drops (Poem) I don't worry about living in sin or fear, I don't dream of being some one I'm not but perfecting who I am. I don't bow down to others or follow the leader or the newest trends. I don't think of their opinions and I don't care what they see me as. I don't dare to pretend I'm someone I'm not to get the approval of others. I seek perfection with in my self and kindness and joy shall flow through out me. It is not rare for me to feel the rejection of others, it is likely that my life is all my own. I made a promise to my self that I would not be let down by the people who surround me. I won't worry about the people who waste their lives away because I know now that I am better then that. My days are long and tiring, but worth it. My life is packed with unending mysteries and a mystical dream land that I created in my head. My weeks are filled with tragedy and fear, laughter and new faces. Every moment that I create walks me closer to the beginning and to the end. I feel though that at any minute my life will drift away. Though it keeps my life on edge, I still wish for those rare rainy days were I can relax and let the dripping of the water wash away my insecurity and fear. Let the cold moisture run through out my body and cool my nerves. I let the wetness blur the words that I am writing, so that I can start again at the beginning of this story, the chapter we so surely call LIFE Say Goodbye (Poem) I see the ways my teachers look at me when when i dont get my homework done, when i get my progress report, and the tone of voice they use to tell me im wrong. I used to think its me, the reason for the looks they give. I've tryed so hard but it doesnt click, my brain is numb, i feel so dumb the way I am. The time has come, the time to change the time to make it rearrange, to change my life, to change my look and settle down in a book. The time has come for me to say, goodbye old life, hello new day. To change my friends forget the old, give up on what I used to know. Todays the day I buckle down, I've tryed so hard in this town. My worlds are different, not the same, they can't behave in my world today. Goodbye old life, I love you most, I'm sorry i cant love you both. Nothings changing, im not coming back , this life i live is flying past, If i dont go I think I'll die. Im sorry I have to say goodbye. No Body(Poem)They tell me I do nothing, with that support why do I even care. I've never been a nobody, maybe I should share. They tell me that I'm worthless, than why do they stare. I know I'm not the same, and I tell them I will change. They just laugh at me, tell me this is who I really am. I will be a nobody, I need to be somebody. But they don't care. Pull me out of class, to tell me I'm not worth it. Laughing at them in my head, knowing that they are wrong, then how come I can't show it, maybe this is who I have become. A nobody lies, sleeps, and cries. I'm a nobody. I just know it. They don't expect too much from me. No confidence there. I know, I'm not worth it. I don't really care. Being a nobody is hard, trying not to cry, everyone looks down on you, tells you your not smart. I'm smarter than they know, I just go with the flow. I will always be different, try to stop their stares. But really i don't care.Fly Away. (Poem) Some days, i just scream and cry, and think about life if I could fly, day dream, hide, play a game, nothings wrong, its not a lie. Hide n seek, you can't find, the day will come for me to fly, leave behind this life i live, fly away, bid forgive, nothings stopping not a chance, maybe I'll just do a dance. Disapeer, in the dark, you can't find me at the park. The day will come for me to flee, the that I will seek, the day i spread my wings to fly, no more hiding not a lie, that is nearer, every hour. Play your games while you can, grab a pen, just don't hide, don't dream about the day you fly. Be a kid, live your life, some day you will have to flee, leave behind the coop, like me. Who I Am (Poem) Over the last year a lot has happened in my life, first of all I matured from the little tomboy of a girl that would only wear baggy clothes and never brushed her hair, to the teenager I am today. My brother got his girl friend pregnant and the cutest little boy was born. And the same for my other brother's best friend that is like extended family to all of us, He had a little girl. My 23 year old brother moved back in to finish college. My 15 year old cousin got a tattoo, and my aunt moved, as did we. My best friend started drugs, my tattooed cousin is fighting with her parents and my brother was fighting with my mom about his maturity level and ability to raise a child. My grades dropped as I started 7th grade in a town that I don't really fit in to, and a world that doesn't like me. I have learned a lot about the lives of others and how the choices we make affect us all and the way we steer our life - even at such a young age - will determan who we are for the rest of the time we spend on earth. I realized what I should hold close and what to let go of. Now I understand that people can let you down and not feel sorry at all, but when you let your self down, you just want to jump off a cliff. You can't change who you are but only who you can be. Through all the things that happened this year, I only cried a million times, thought about running away a million and one, but I never hurt my self or the others around me, the mental scars that I earned this year will teach me a lesson from now on and forever. I will always stand up for who I am even if I'm standing alone, there are other's out there that are just like me, there are people out there who accept me for who I am and don't care what I look like. As long as I'm happy as being me, I will go on. I promise. Through all the times i dreamed of walking away. I only cried and of course I screamed, but most of all I wrote. I wrote what I saw and the feelings I couldn't tell. The aches in side that where burning to get out are all scribbled down on paper. This year I will remember forever, not as the worst or the best but as the year I learned who I am. I never thought I'd be the same. After that one dreadful day. I always dreamed. Thats all I had, I know my life was not that bad.It was different, only so, I never got the chance to know, what it's like beyond your eyes, he tried to see behind my mind. My life was changing, I was scared. None of them, even cared. I know it was, or could've been, I would've let go, just gave in. She pulled me back, brought me in. Scared me right out of my own skin. She knew I hurt. I know she did. Thats why they say she's only a kid. Yet I couldn't see, or even feel, the differences, behind the vail. Life had changed, I should have known, boy, how I have grown. Getting in trouble for the smallest things, I know it's for the best of me. I don't want pidy can't you see, I just want them to let me be me. I'm starting over, another chance, I'm so happy, I could dance. My life was scary, but I should've known, should've learned to let go. I cared too much for someone else. Maybe now I won't go to hell. I gave up all I have worked, just to see her wear that smirk. We don't talk, she doesn't care. Wonder why I even share. My life is different. In a good way. My family doesn't always obey. We all are different. Not the same. I wouldn't have it any other way. With out them my life would be oh so plain. My life is better, I hope it will stay. I want to wear this smile everyday. Sure, I'm scared. I don't know, how my life is gonna go. I can only hope that one day, I will know enough to say, yeah my life, went the right way. Save me from my self, the thoughts inside my head. I want you to quote me. When I'm a 70-year old women, far past the age of making anything of my life, I want you to look back at who I am today, as a 13 year old girl even and I need you to tell me (even though I could very well become something in my life) I want you to say "Maddi, as a little girl, and young teenager, you had goals, ambitions, you set out to change the world. You were gonna try so hard to have the life you always wanted, dreamed for, and hopefully achieved." I have no idea what will become of my future. But if I end up flipping burgers, somebody better |
